ok so this is it im becoming a writer!
think steven king...but a bit shit.
ACTUALLY wierdly what i just said above sets this up perfectly!
see ive already started on "films".
OR HAVE I????
no i havnt.
thats the point!!!!
see...hes an author.
and writes books.
well he's an author coz he writes books.
its a bit of a bi product to be honest.
infact its very difficult indeed to be an author with out writing any books?
i think there should have been some different punctuation there.
what was i saying again?
AHA YEAH THE POINT IS i ONLY assosciate him with things made into films and shows!!!
this sets the scene well for what im about to bang on about.
first of all there will be mistakes in this.
and do you know what?...im leaving them in!!
its my style.
what you saying im lazy?
screw you dillweed!
just coz you dont undertsand it and some words may not look right as long as you can grasp it...who gives a twat.
this is my style.
im an "ABSTRACT WRITER"!
what you saying picasso was "lazy" coz he didnt do stuff what looked right and that.
piss off knob head.
just coz it was a bit blocky.
that was his style.
why should he try keep in the lines if doesnt want to.
IMAGINE IF HIS MUM HAD TOTALLY BOLLOCKED HIM TO STAY IN THE LINES,..WE WOULD NEVER HAVE WHAT WE HAVE.
it may have been smashed out of him!!
if picasso wants to make people looks like rectangular idiots...let him.
he did alright for himself!
if we're gonna have a go at people for looking to angular why dont you go slag of Dolph Lundrgen or Casper Van Dien?
what... cant be bothered?
didnt think so.
same with jackson Pollock!
imagine if his daft shit mum had said,
"what a mess you little div...who slashed all this friggin paint everywhere...clean that up now and get to bed...AND NO ORIOS"!
gave him a right "pollocking".
clever that wasnt it.(see witty pun above)
what im saying is dont slag people of for being who they are and doin what they do.
its not there fault.
no good or evil.
or right or wrong.
we are just aload of atoms.
lets just be "happy atoms"
i used to be so confused,at school they would say"sit down and be quiet richard learn harder put more effort in"
i was putting a lot of effort in actually.
to hoaning my craft.
entertaining/being a twit.
it always baffled me.
really baffled me.
espescially when i would have the whole class smiling and laughing.
The most positive form of energy you can imagine no one upset or depressed for that hour/lesson
(apart from the one i was picking on at the time)
it made no sense.
every one smiling and laughing and beaming and the teacher saying "NO...BAD"
how could making people this happy be bad?????
how could i be a bad person for it?
everyone pays to get this feeling in various forms...and im here dishing it out for free...IVE A GOOD MIND TO CHARGE YOU SONS OF GIMPS!!!
ME coming in here dishing out free happiness after sluggin my guts out on my milk round from 5.30 am in the freezing cold
my only solice coming into make some marmite on toast and have a silent wank over "an american were wolf in london"
or rik mayalls"bottom".(the one with the dating service)
Trying my damned hardest not to make a noise pissing around with the V.H.S incase my mum heres it rewinding for the 8th time in a row.
or worse GETTING IT STUCK!
never mind having to smuggle it back up stairs as she comes down for her breakfast...
"whats up with your calf?"
"its shaped like a rectangle?"
errmm.. OH FOR GODS SAKES I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT... IVE GOT TO GET TO SCHOOL ,YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE LEARNING....WHOOOORE"!
OH YEAH AND WHILE IM AT IT WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE"CHOCO POPS"...I SAID "COCO POPS"...THESE ARE ARE MORRISONS OWN BRAND YOU SCRUBBER!
kids have it so easy now with nice silent internet working its pervy magic.
no modems or video tapes for these lovable little shits.
just instant porn and cartoons in abundance.
great being a kid.
dont get bollocked as much for being childish.
although ironically i did...alot?
that dont make sense either?
"richard you are 12 years old..stop being so childish"!
i may have well retorted..
"grow up miss you elderly dick."
ANYWAYS I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD GO IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
thats my style.
YEAH SO thats the beauty of it "ART".
you just get it or you dont.
but dont slag shit off coz you dont get it.
i CANT meditate!
but some people can.
right there is a point to that last comment somewhere.
il figure it out later.
so yeah "HOLLYWOOD BROKE MY BRAIN"
whats that all about? i hear you ask.
i recently came to amaerica and it made me realise how much films had warped my perseption of reality.
everything i see can be traced back to a film...all my references through life are of films
ITS BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR WHEN COMIN TO THE COUNTRY WHERE THEY MAKE THE BASTARDS.
when i get on a bus here i dont think "well this is a pleasant mode of transport"
"i need every body to stay calm....THERE IS A BOMB ON THE BUS"
and every time i see a mail van i dont think
"hey up....nice bit of mail being delivered there"
"EVERY BODY GET THE F*&K DOWN THIS IS A HEIST "
(this makes my life tricky as the postal service is quite a big industry and i see mail vans on every corner)
i just pictured postman pat in a balaclava...and jess with a mini one...possibly just a "totes"toasties sock with 2 eye holes cut out.
Whilst on the west coast,I was lucky enough to be taken on a beautiful hike up in the loz feliz hills in silverlake los angeles.
and as we approached the top of the mountain my guide james gazed out and said pensively,
"look at that view,stunning.Im so lucky.I wake up to this every morning.you can see all of Los Angeles from here...right to the ocean."
and i went,
"yeah....IS THAT THE SHOT OF THE BEGINNING OF THE A TEAM WHEN THE MACHINE GUN SOUND AND THE THEME TUNE KICKS IN?
but this kind of thing happens every second of my life!
as we sauntered back down the hill through the beautiful 1930s houses and mansions.
We saw a beautiful oak tree its aged but thick titanic limbs reached up towards the sun winding out over the road.
they commented on its history and what amazing things it must have witnessed and the things it will enevitably go on to witness in its life time long long after we have perished.
and my brain just went...
"THATS LIKE THE ONE GEORGE MCFLY FALLS OUT OF WHILE PERVING ON LORRAINE BAINES THROUGH A PAIR OF BINOCULARS IN BACK TO THE FUTURE"
"oh my god...."HES A PEEPING TOM"
just before being shoved out of the way of a speeding car by the son he hasnt yet had!
and when they commeneted on how thick and beautiful the texture of its trunk and roots i was thinking
"looks like that diplodocus in jurassic park."
again while i was there someone asked me if i was into basketball.
i said "not really i used to be"
"oh really who was your favourite player" he asked
i honestly nearly answered "WESLEY SNIPES"!
coz see i was never even really into basketball....what i was into was"white men cant jump"
infact its bloody a good job he didnt ask me my top 3 because after snipes and Harellson...id have been Fucked!
(actually no there was that tall skinny bloke raymond who stood out)
"NAH NAH NAH FUCK THIS...SEE i TELL YOU WHAT IM'A DO.... IM'A GO GET ME MY GUN...SHOOT ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS"!
"raymond...is that you raymond"
"NAH NAH THIS THIS AINT RAYMOND"
"take that damn thing of your head"
and in my mind i was into martial arts for a while
BUT NO I WASNT ...i was into "karate kid".
i dont know about any famous karate bastards.
i only did it to get the kit so i could do it infront of my babysitter in an attempt to woo her.
(i used to make her hold up a turquoise moonwalker jumper with michael jacksons face on it and let rip on the sucker.
kiddie fiddler or not ...this talented/troubled pop king was getting a weak round house...WEATHER HE LIKED IT OR NOT!
infact the only other person i know who even did karate besides Ralph Macchio and was my teacher/sensi of 2 weeks "mrs kiddle"!
who i only remembered because her hair was like phillip from "guess who".
and she randomly appeared on"N TV"on "noels house party" one saturday night.
ironically at the same time as i was pissing around using the"skills" i had learned to batter a sweater to impress a teenager.
my cover was nearly blown!
although on reflection im sure she could tell i wasnt a black belt.
you can generally tell when somethings been coloured in with a crayon.
but any ways the film thing is getting out of control.
the other day i had a walkers crisp that reminded me of jaws!!
and it made me beg the question.
WHEN WILL THIS END?????????????????
never i hope. x